Since February 2009, I have been carrying or nursing a baby. Which means my hormones have been on a rollercoaster for over 3 years now. I have definitely been in a mommy fog for quite some time. I think my hormones are finally starting to level back out. Finally, I feel like I’m breathing fresh air for the first time. You don’t really realize you’re not yourself until you finally find yourself again. I was living each day just surviving. Making sure my family’s needs were met but totally ignoring my own.
For the last month, I’ve been cleaning and organizing our home from top to bottom. I felt buried underneath it all for so long. I still have a lot more to go through but it feels so good to purge all the junk and get things back in order. My cluttered house was definitely a reflection of my cluttered mind. Not only have I been on a cleaning spree but I’ve dusted off my sewing machine and am slowly getting back to creating again. I’ve worked on a few projects for friends and family over the years but I’ve never taken the time to work on something that makes me happy. Though I have a master’s degree in apparel design, I’ve never actually sewn something for myself. That’s about to change! Now that the fog has lifted, the creative juices have started flowing, and it has been like a flood of ideas pouring out. I’ve been up into the wee hours of the night writing everything down and slowly working on creating a small business for myself. Something I’ve wanted to do for a LONG time now.
Getting my life back together has not only done myself good but my family some good too. I realize though I’ve enjoyed every moment with my children and the joy they’ve brought to my life, I struggled finding joy within myself. After my second child was born last year, I suffered from a mild case of post partum depression. Its something I’ve wondered about but couldnt wrap my head around what was really going on. I kept telling myself that I’m just sleep deprived and it would all get better. But there were nights I’d go to bed angry and mornings I didnt want to get out of bed. If it weren’t for my children, I probably never would have. There were some very dark days but then some very bright ones too. So I never sought help, since the good always outshined the bad. Looking back, I should have spoke with my doctor about what I was feeling. Depression is no joke and I’m lucky mine was not severe. The most helpful advice and support I recieved was from fellow mothers. You really are in a mommy fog after giving birth and it has taken me a year to realize it.
If you are living under that same blanket of heaviness… reach out to someone. You can always reach me here: firstname.lastname@example.org.